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Horrible hangover + lively two-year-old son = PAIN

Scan from Iron Man ~#127

Big Dave F's Nerdgasm Quiz Part III

Good morning imaginary web chums! I'm off to a Christmas do today, so no time for any sort of comic content. Thankfully my good pal Big Dave F has provided me with a report on his latest quiz night. Sadly I wasn't able to attend this excellent event, but by all accounts it was a beezer night!

Here's Dave's report...

Its been over a week now and still the sounds of nerdish laughter and merry making echo through my mind. Yes, I’m still riding the crest of the resounding, successful wave that was Big D’s Nerdgasm Quiz III.

The previous quiz was a humble affair with a paltry 12 people – three teams and four prizes. Dom had rustled a team up, and my old friend Mr. Wheatley graced the venue - taking time of from his busy schedule of fighting Madonna’s film crew. A modest smattering of other nerds were sprinkled around the pub. Unfortunately sometimes a small crowd can be harder to control than a large one, with Dom’s team, (drunker than Tony Stark at happy hour), calling out answers, shouting encouraging slogans like: YOU NERDY CUNTS to other team members and leaving their 3^rd place prize – a squishy Silver Surfer – crushed, desolate and beer-stained under the table for me to find when clearing up…. Poor, poor Norrin. I had never thought the theme to Battlestar Galactica could be turned into a football chant…. I was proven wrong.

But, like a mother who’s children can do no wrong, I still loved them and sent them invites for Nerdgasm III… None of them came.

No matter. Like Hulk’s strength my enthusiasm was boundless. I laboured to promote the event and it paid off. Eight teams and a total of over 40 people - nerds of all denominations, shapes, sizes and comic preferences flocked to my banner. It felt like I was in the cantina at Mos Eisley and I had the death sentence in 12 systems. Why, even The tattooed lady brought friends in Star Wars t-shirts, ensuring that females too played a part in this male dominated arena.

Prizes were many and nerdtastic: Hulk v Juggernaut figures, Marvel magazines and posters, the 2009 updated hardback Marvel encyclopedia, and the first appearance of Wolverine – Hulk 181 – in the form of boxer shorts (Nerd size). Another more seasonal gift pack was an action figure Jesus on wheels, some Last Supper after dinner mints, and a Holy Toast maker (you can imprint your own toast with an image of the Virgin Mary).

The highlight of my evening was meeting a new friend, an LLC regular, Eye-Melt (AKA John) what a man! Astounding his team with his nerdy knowledge, he assured them a first place and took the Hulk boxers for his troubles. He even had time to yarn with me about Herb Trimpe’s fantastic Hulk 161 cover, although I had to refresh his memory with the name of the half-man, half-fish and all hate antagonist: AQUON! For those of you who haven’t read the story arc, it is, (and make no mistake), a fucking corker! Hulk helps overthrow an underwater tyranny so that these deep sea dwellers can have their life-long wish of life on the surface. But their squat bodies are so used to the depths and pressure of 20,000 fathoms that they all begin to burst into bloody pulps as they rejoice in the sunlight, while Hulk looks bemusedly on… Magic! Hope to see many more of you at future quizzes.

Big D out

As new as the hydrogen bomb!

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Ad from 1953, reproduced in Hey Skinny: Great ads from the Golden Age of comic books

A Christmas Story from Mega City One

It's Christmas Day in Mega City One and Judge Dredd is on the city wall, looking out over the Cursed Earth. He's sent word to the starving mutant masses gathered at the gates that the good folk of Mega City One are going to make them a Christmas gift of food...

Stupid Muties should know better of course...

Guess again shitheads...

And so...

HO! HO! HO! Another cheery mass execution. Merry Christmas readers!

Scans from 2000AD #450, December 28th 1985 (with art by Steve Dillon)

I wouldn't give this artist the time of day

To Gosh! Where, along with my usual stack of overly violent superhero books, I picked up a few cheap all ages comics from the back issue bins for my two-year-old to rip to pieces. He likes his colourful pressies, particularly his copy of Marvel Adventures Spider-Man #51, and naturally I'm happy that he's enjoying learning some early life lessons through the age-old educational medium of costumed vigilantism.

My missus seems OK with him looking at these toned down tales too. She does have a slight issue with the full page ad for X-Men Forever in the middle of the Spidey book which features a pretty scary looking drawing of Sabretooth. Her main gripe though, is with the opening splash...

It's not Paste Pot Pete's spooge gun that raises her hackles, it's the clocks. She gets that this is The Daily Bugle and that they've got a bunch of clocks showing different time zones pinned to the wall. What she doesn't understand is how it can be five past four in one city, ten to two in another and twenty to five in a third.

Excellent, my son's first proper comic and there's a whopping great mistake on the first page! Get used to it kid!

ADD: While I'm on the subject of introducing kids to comics, here's a pic posted by a proud father on a comics message board...

"Daddy, why is the man sticking his tongue in the rotting cadaver's mouth?"

The leaders of the secret army of spies and terrorists

A corking 70-year-old Fletcher Hanks panel. The guy in the blue suit is a ringer for Bill Clinton, no?

Scan from "Presidential Assassination" by Fletcher Hanks originally printed in Fantastic #1, December 1939. Reprinted in I Shall Destroy All The Civilized Planets, Ed Paul Karasik, 2007.

A lame superhero

Boo! Rubbish! But this character would be redeemed in my eyes if that last panel was a literal representation of her power in action. In other words, if her head triples in size and detaches from her body in a hail of purple healing beams, she's fucking cool. If not, she's lame.

Those scans are from Adventure Comics Presents Dial H For Hero #489. I used to love Dial H For Hero when I was a lad. But, after buying several issues for 30p at last Sunday's mart, I realise it was bollocks. For those who don't know, the basic premise of the comic was that kids could send in their ideas for superheroes . The best submissions would then appear in the comic. There were some really bad ones, worse than Unicorn even...

Actually, Jelly Woman sounds quite good. I'll have to track down a copy of Adventure Comics #488 to see her wobbling greatness in action.